Asian Sterotype Saturday Morning Post: Good at Maths?

I am in my mid-twenties and I do not think that I will ever find out whether I am good at maths. Did this happen to anyone else?


In a overly generalised, probably not-completely-true account (that I, er, pieced together from hearsay and my ass), Korea and New Zealand have very different approaches to education. In Korea, pre-university education is, in a way, tougher than university education, and in NZ, it is the other way around. Also, education is more punitive in Korea, whereas NZ stresses positive reinforcement. I can only venture that Korea may be this way due to extremely limited placements available in universities in Korea, perhaps due to some combination of poorer economy and overpopulation.

So when I came to NZ as a little girl, I was praised for my mad maths skills. It was slightly more advanced than my new classmates'. I was hardly going to be praised for my English, was I? This baffled and thrilled me. Dadadadadadada Maths GURL! (Please cue in batman theme.) In my previous life, I was terrible at maths, much to my mother's disappointment. Indeed, I thought I was rather good at English, my favourite subject at school: I had even won a couple of prizes in English. But here, this identity turned upside down.

With my teachers' encouragement, I went on to study maths and sciences primarily throughout my highschool education, and only found my passion for words again later.  I realise now, regardless of whether I am actually good at maths or not, I have yet to gain pleasure from maths itself. It is, I am awfully sorry to say, boring. But, like anyone else, I am addicted to praise.

It was hard to find passion in words again, but I was undeniably drawn to it. I always loved reading, and learned, over time, to love reading in English. And now it is the best thing in my life, hands down. I have since gained immeasurable pleasure from reading in English. Reading is the one and true love of my life, sometimes reading books in English that I have previously read in Korean translation for the different taste of it, and othertimes simply reading my favourites over and over again just for the sheer loveliness of it.

But I did very poorly in English, History and Social Sciences at school. I clearly did not seem like the kind of girl who could excel in these subjects, even though, I daresay, I was better than averagely competent. Some people assumed things when they saw my Asian cover. I remember being talked to very loudly very slowly a lot, which infuriated me. Some of my teachers caught on, but others never found the opportunity. And there were the substitute teachers, and every new teacher in every new year was another person who I had to convince. I was, from time to time, also put in ESL program, based on extremely limited tests such as, "How many words can you think of in one minute?", and pulled out of regular English classes. I do not think it was racism per say, or if it was it was positive discrimination: these people were overzealous in trying to help.

With maths and sciences, it was the opposite. It may have been the composite effect of my Asian appearance, glasses and braces. (Ah, that kid, you say.) I was expertly and positively pushed into these fields of study. I did well in them, but I had the distinct benefit of people expecting it from me. And it was a pleasure too, to be good at something, and for people to expect you to be good at it. It was always a positive reinforcement, a cycle of encouragement and achievement. And I am very grateful. I very much doubt I would be equally competent at the limited maths skills I do have if I had stayed in Korea.

And I am, in fact, overall extremely grateful for the education I received in the public school system in NZ. I had so many wonderful teachers in both fields of my education, and very few who gave into their prejudices in the long run. But it made a sort of impression in me, one that was perhaps inaccurate. I am a bit suspicious by nature, so now I am also wondering whether I chose to study arts instead of science as a kind of rebellion.

This is only one version of truth. What do you think? And to fellow immigrants, had something like this ever happened to you? I would love to know.

Bridesmaids

IS it a feminist movie? And why am I asking?

I know there has been some hoohaa about it being a landmark film, a rare feminist comedy. But is it beside the point? Just because women are in it, or made it, should we scrutinise it through a feminist lens?

It seems excessive to me. Hardly all movies or television must jump through this extra hoop, but women in media seem to. Women in media generally, and comedy more specifically, have already surpassed expectations by succeeding in a male-dominated field. Sure, we celebrate them for that. But we also demand they be feminist. We hardly ever seem to demand this of their male counterparts.

So this occurs to me: by being feminists, are feminist women and men actually restricting other women rather than helping them? Feminism, no matter what its naysayers might say, is not just about women. It is a study of gender, not women. Excuse my stating the obvious, but if there were no men, there would be no women to speak of. Obviously (I am truly apologetic; forgive me). As obvious as this may be, I think we forget sometimes. Men, as well as women, are subjects of study. There is a reason for the departure from women's studies to gender studies. I think that this distinction helps to avoid blaming the victims of sexism, and correctly identifies that men are also victims of their own gender.

Bridesmaids is just another funny movie. Personally, I found it only an okay-ish movie. I laughed at some of the jokes, but by far less than all of them. I would hardly recommend it to anyone, except for the fact that it is made by and portrays women in comedy; a true rarity. It was definitely refreshing to see a comedy movie with women focus without it being a romantic comedy. Although there is romance in it, it is not the central plot in the movie. I see it as a comedy, not romantic comedy. (Anyone disagree? I would be interested in knowing why.) For this reason alone I would recommend it.

Clearly, even though I am uncomfortable with the feminism test of this movie, I am also partaking in it. Is there a good reason to hold women to a higher standard? It does seem more cannibalistic when women betray other women. And in a way, perhaps it is setting a better standard for women. A better standard, as biased as it may be, is a better standard, after all. I want to see more realistic portrayals of women in media. I want little girls and boys to see it. Women are not just bodies, and objects of the male gaze, as they are so often portrayed. I just wish that more men in media also feel compelled to pass the feminism test too.

I am, however, sure of one thing in this rambling, no point, blah blah of mine. We should support women in arts to overcome the gender barriers, and hold the media to a higher standard. What do you think?

UPDATE: this post seems redundant. Watch Miss Representation, directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, screening this year at the New Zealand International Film Festival.

OMFG I'm not white!

Hi,

Anyone else surprised that they are not white? I am racially Korean, but I grew up in New Zealand, mostly. Technically my mother tongue is Korean, but I cannot even hold a conversation in it anymore. I think and dream in English. And I do not get Korean jokes, which I take to be the ultimate test of cultural integration (assimilation?). In conclusion: I am racially Korean, but ethnically Pakeha. Being in New Zealand, I am sometimes in a room where I am the only person who is not Caucasian. And sometimes, suddenly, it hits me: I am not white! One of these things are not the same as the other! It comes to me as an actual surprise. And when I look in a mirror, I think that my aesthetic appeal is that I am exotic.

I think it is funny. But I am worried. It is sort of like... Fat is a Feminist Issue (Susie Orbach) meets Asian Mystique (Sheridan Prasso). (Btw, this makes me think of Alien vs. Predator for some reason. But instead of Alien and Predator, it is a fat white woman and a skinny Asian woman. Which is so wrong, and I am so sorry. Please, God, do not turn that into a movie. And please, please, do not turn it into a porn movie.)

Orbach says that women do not embody their body truly. Women believe that there is a skinny person inside their body, and that is who they are, trapped inside their faulty, larger body. Prasso shows that Asian women are fetishised as "exotic orientals", especially by white men. This fuels the terrible and tragic sex industry in many Asian countries that carries on to other countries by underground sex slave trade.

Do I consider myself as a white woman trapped inside an Asian woman's body? And from a white person's perspective, do stereotype my own body as exotic and "oriental"?

I am bombarded every day by the media that the norm and the ideal of womanhood is white. This is also true in Korean media, in which beauty products are often modeled by Caucasian models, Korean models with European features are considered more beautiful (e.g. see epicanthoplasty: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epicanthoplasty) and whitening creams are still sold.

What do you think? Who am I? Am I in Freaky Freaky Friday Redux?

The Rule

There is only one rule for this blog. Actually there are two. One: only positive posts. Two: my mother can never, ever find out. I have been having a bad week, but this?

This makes me smile:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/little-boy-gives-an-epic-inspirational-speech-afte

I Heart Drugs

Hi.

I am KK, and I take antidepressants.

This is the second time I've been on antidepressants in my life. The first time, I felt like a failure. I took them for a few weeks, and just stopped. I read that the benefits of antidepressants were similar to having a good diet and exercise routine. A psychiatrist I knew socially, who did not know my situation, told me that although she believed in antidepressants as a professional, she would never put her own children on them. My boyfriend at the time told me that in controlled trials, people did better on placebo. I felt stupid and weak.

I am not a scientist, or a researcher. A am not saying that antidepressants are beneficial for everyone. What I am saying is that I chose not to take medication that my doctor prescribed to me for a serious condition that was debilitating to my professional and personal life because of taboos surrounding mental illness. People were telling me, even a psychiatrist, that I should just try harder.

Mental illness is a real disease. Mental illness is a real disease.

So, I HEART DRUGS. My drugs make me able to live my life. Reader, please support people who are taking drugs for mental illness. Do not make them feel guilty or silly, because it might really, really be helping them.

Go hug somebody.

Role Models

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHZR9iS8a-U&feature=player_embedded

Girls rock.

I am a glass-half-empty kind of gal, and things have not been shiny lately. But even now I am grateful. I have supportive, patient, fabulous women in my life. Thank you ladies.